No day but today........

Losing someone unexpectedly hurts. So god damned much. It never makes sense.

This week I lost a dear friend. He passed away in his sleep. He was far too young. I am struggling to process it. I feel so deeply for his young son, understanding the pain of losing your Father far too early. Something R also understood, losing his father some years ago too (his Father was my dace teacher and also had a profound impact on my life).

R was one of those friends who was just always there. We didn't need to see each other in person all the time. We didn't need to be in touch constantly. But he was there.

Some time ago when I was having a particularly hard time, he reached out to me. He shared his story with me, a lot of which I was not aware of. He shared it with me in the hopes that I would realise I was not alone. The things he told me, the things he helped me to understand about myself and about the world. and the fact that he was there at the right time no doubt helped save my life. So how do you ever thank someone for that? What can you do or say? Especially now that they are gone and you are not 100% sure that they knew just how important they were to you?

All I can do is make this promise. Here and now.


I am going to live the SHIT out of this life.

I am going to make sure my children know how much I love them, how proud of them I am, and they they are my world. Just like R did.

I am going to make music. As often as I can. Anywhere I can.

I am going to be authentically me. What you see is what you get. No BS. No pandering. No hiding.

I am going to make every minute count. After all, there are 525,600 of them every year, why waste a single one of them!

R, I am going to miss you. Terribly. My Facebook feed sure as hell isn't going to be the same withoiut your crazy posts, often hilarious, sometimes thought provoking, sometimes inciting an all out riot. But always putting a smile on my face.

Thank you. For everything.

NO DAY BUT TODAY.............

War! What is it good for? Absof#*kinglutely NOTHING!

The Mummy wars are real. And they are bullshit. It HAS to stop. No one way of parenting is better than the other.

Sure, we all know the medical benefits of breast milk. We also know that the pressure to breastfeed can break a woman in two. We have all given birth in different ways and we would all have things we would do the same and things would do differently. We all have opinions, we all have a preferred way of doing things, a brand of formula we prefer, family traditions we follow, and we all have things that we don’t share for fear of being publicly ridiculed. Why? Because people are basically self-entitled assholes who seem to think they have the god given right to tell you how to raise your child.

I would like to try a little experiment tonight, if I may.

This is me with two of my best Mummy friends, J and B. We have a little Facebook group chat that never, and I mean NEVER stops. We have been there for each other through so much in the last 2+ years. We all have kids. We all do and have done things differently. And we love each other for it.

These are our children! Quite a good looking bunch if I do say so myself.

Here is a list of stats for our little families. You look at the pictures and the stats and then you tell me which stat belongs to which Mummy/kid combo.

We are three mummies. Between us we have 8 kids. That’s enough for some kind of sports team!

All of our children were conceived spontaneously. Two of us were about to seek fertility treatment when we fell pregnant.

One of these children was born by emergency C-section.

Three were born by planned C-section.

Two were delivered by forceps.

Two were delivered without assistance.

Five of these children were classified as premature.

One of these children was 11 days overdue.

Three of these children spent time in Special Care.

One of us had Gestational Diabetes.

One of us had Cervical Incompetence.

One of us had Obstetric Cholestasis.

One of these babies was exclusively breastfed for 14 months.

One is currently being exclusively breastfed (4 months and counting)

All of these babies had some amount of breastmilk

One of these babies was mix fed for 18 weeks before going to all formula.

Three of these babies was mix fed for three weeks before going to all formula.

Two of these babies were breastfed for ten days before switching to all formula.

Three of these kids were Baby Led weaned.

Four of these kids had purees first.

All of these children are fully vaccinated.

One of these mothers is single.

One of these mothers works full time for a very busy government department. One is a writer. One is a student.

We all play Pokemon Go. We are not ashamed. #gottacatchemall

All of our children are healthy. All of our children are happy. All of our children got exactly what they needed on the inside and on the outside. Love. Nourishment. Attention. Medical assistance. How, it doesn’t make a blind bit of difference.

So STOP shaming other mothers for doing things differently to how you would. If you are asked for advice, GO NUTS! Tell them what you did and why it worked for you. DO not tell them what they have to do. Do not give advice when it is not asked for. Do not shame another Mother for making choices different to your own.

Be proud of your parenting achievements, but be humble. Congratulate all the other Mums around you for the stellar job they are doing. Because every single day of this job is hard. It is demanding. It is relentless. It is emotional.

And it is also the single most rewarding thing anyone can ever do.

Ten things not to say to a Mum of twins

This came up in conversation again today with a fellow twin Mum, so I decided to go back and find this list I wrote last year! I still stand by every single item on this list! 

Oh, and before you go "oh, but people are just being nice" NO!! Do you know, I once counted how many times I got told double trouble on a two hour trip around stockland? The total was 15. You tell me you wouldn't get sick of it!!!

10 While pregnant - "wow, you're massive! Are you sure there isn't three in there?". Thanks! My self esteem is sky rocketing!

9 "Are they identical? Yes. Cool! So it's a boy and a girl then?"........... I got nothing. Also, glad the pink tutus aren't a give away.

8 "Are they Twins?" Um........

7 "Two girls? Shame you didn't have one of each!" Sorry! I'd swap one for a boy but I lost the receipt.

6 "You must have your hands full!" Well, duh!

5 "You have an instant family now, you don't need to have any more!" Thank you stranger in the supermarket for decided we have enough children. 

4 "Are they natural?" No, they are aliens. Also, it's not any of your business how my children were conceived, random person in the car park.

3 "Twins? Hell no, I couldn't cope" and this is probably why I have them and you don't. (I also copped "twins? F%@K THAT! And would have punched them had they not been family).

2 "two for the price of one!". Nope, definitely two for the price of two. 

1 "double trouble" - no actually, I'm twice blessed, and luckier than you will EVER be.

A bedtime mugging

People (without children and most definitely without twins) often comment jokingly about how I dress the twins in matching clothing, usually because at some point I may have said I didn't want to do it all the time. Yeah, how nieve of me. 

The thing is, at two and a half these little girls are crazy intelligent, incredibly headstrong and stubborn, fiercely independent and a little crazy. Not at all like me. 😉

Why do I dress them alike most of the time? Here is tonight's example. 

All of their flannelet pyjamas are in the dryer so I grabbed warm shirts and leggings out of the drawer. Unfortunately we have a pair of stripy leggings and a pair of star patterned leggings. Which S wore the stars and B wore the stripes without a second glance last night. But tonight, oh no! Because who the hell would wear star print leggings to bed? Stripes are where it's at!! Stars are the plague!! Which of course was discovered after I had put the stripes on S. And then all hell broke loose.

After pulling some impressive wresting maneuvers ( I knew watching Steve Irwin all those years ago would pay off) I managed to shove B into the red star leggings of death and got them into bed. Four stories, two cups of water, 7 teddy bears, a chocolate biscuit bribe and a million sloppy kisses later, I think we are in business and it's time for sleep. 

I had to go in about an hour later (after complete silence that lulled me into a false sense of security, long enough to pour a glass of wine and get comfy on the couch to bag everyone out on The Voice) because of the high pitched murder screams coming from underneath the door. 

I walked in to find S sans pants (and nappy, but that's a whole other story) and a very please with herself B sitting on the bed wearing the stripy pants, backwards and inside out. And displaying the red star leggings proudly on her head like a sick warning to other patterned leggings to not enter the area at any cost. 

My 2.5 year old had mugged her twin sister for her pants. 

And THIS is why I dress them the same when I can. Not because it's cute (which it TOTALLY is), not because I'm lazy. Not even because they like it. But because if I don't, someone is gonna lose a limb. 

And next time someone makes a comment about it, they might too. 

Now I've missed the voice, so more wine and Jaws 2 is in order. Maybe I'll learn how to treat large bites in readiness for the next installment of wardrobe wars. 

#gonnaneedabiggerwardrobe

Abusive relationships 101: he doesn't have to hit you......

Today I cried. A lot. I was so overwhelmed. 

Today was a day where I did some healing. 

Today I realised just how much I have actually achieved since I became the single multiple mummy brain. 

And today, I realised how much is ahead for me and my three. So much love, so many opportunities, so many chances, so much sunshine. 

It started a week ago with an off the cuff remark from my Mum. Firstly she told me how much she wants me to go out and date. I did a triple take, you what?!? (Anyone who knows my Mum will know what I mean!) Her reply was so simple and matter of fact to her - "you need to remember what it's like to be with a man who knows how to treat a woman right. You deserve that.". I don't think she realised just how profound that was and the impact it would have on me. 

So many people think an abusive relationship simply means physical violence. 

Never has anything been more wrong than that statement. 

An abusive relationship can come in many forms. 

If anything your partner does makes you feel unsafe, nervous, uncomfortable, scared or fear for you or your children's safety, you may be in an abusive relationship. 

I am not going to sit here and tell you to leave. For I know, oh so well, how hard that is. Especially once you are stuck in the cycle of abuse. 

If you, or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, please know that there are so many people who are ready to help you. When you are ready, just speak out. Call a friend. Call lifeline. Call the police. Call me. Please. 

The effects of an abusive relationship last for so long after you leave. Some scars will never heal. But each day gets easier. Each moment that passes makes you stronger. And I promise you, it will work out. 

Here is a great link where you can read more about abusive relationships: 

http://au.reachout.com/signs-of-an-abusive-relationship

Remember, to ask for help is not a sign of weakness, in fact is shows more strength and wisdom than you could ever know you possess!

Things I never thought I would say

The twins got kittens for their birthday a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, I'm mad. But I had three kids and two dogs, I figured how much difference could two tiny kitties make, right? WRONG!

A small snippet of my day today:

The cats are still in bed

No, the cat does not want to eat your weetbix

Don't put milk in the cats ear

Don't put the thermometer in the cats ear

Don't chase the cat

Put the cat down

The cat will not fit in that drinking cup

Get the cat out of that drinking cup

Don't put the cat in the bath

Don't dry the cat with your towel

Don't put that nappy on the cat

The cat does not need to wear socks

Don't put tomato sauce on the cat

Don't lick tomato sauce off the cat

Don't wipe tomato sauce off the cat with the other cat 

Put the cat down 

The cat won't go up the chimney 

Let the cat out of the play oven 

Don't feed the cat crackers 

No, the cat does not want to go to the potty. 

I'm not sure who will go mad first, me or the cats. Although, they strangely seem to enjoy all the attention! 

My life is weird. Fact.

When I walk into the lounge room and tell Mum that she will NOT believe the weirdness that just happened in my front yard, given she knows me and my weird life and is used to my crazy stories, you just know it is going to be a good one!

This evening my good friend S came over with his kids to give me a hand. I got a new couch delivered (that is a whole other story for another day, but just let me ask this, how in the heck do you lose a couch???) and he popped over to give me a hand to shift my heavy old couch and put the legs on my new baby.

Jobs all done, and S and his gorgeous offspring head off and I walk them outside. We are standing out the front chatting and I notice two things happening.

One - his son is carrying around one of my garden gnomes.

Two - there is a very eccentric old lady with a trolley standing out the front of my house. For the sake of a good story, let's call her Maude.

As I am sure any of you with kids can work out, we all know what is gonna happen. Sure enough, Gnome goes crashing to the concrete. (No biggie. He was $4 at Kmart. And it gives me a good excuse to go back.) All of a sudden my old friend Maude starts killing herself laughing. Righto.

The little guy brings me up the broken pieces of Gnome and tells me that he is very sorry that it is really really broken. Sweet little man. All of a sudden Maude is upon us! She has waddled up the path and snatched poor old gnomies broken body from my hands and replaced him with a (very pretty and from a very classy florist) bunch of flowers in my hands,  Before I could blink or say anything she has told me to get some wire and make a fence, and that I should get a bull terrier. She wanders off down the path yelling over her shoulder that she will dispose of the corpse and off she goes down the street, Leaving S and I standing there. Mouths open. Not really sure what had happened.

Maude is the kind of character you expect to be a fixture in the neighborhood. But I have been in this house since I was 6 weeks old. And I have never seen her before. But I will be keeping an eye out for her. I get the feeling she could make my life that little bit more interesting!

And for those interested, here is my new look lounge room! I am loving making my beautiful house a cosy home for me and the three,

Couch - Ruby from Fantastic Furniture

Rug, Side Tables, Pink and Marble Cushions, Lamp, Vase, 

kids couches and wall hanging all from Kmart

Sequinned Throws - Spotlight (30% off yall!)

Flamingo Cushions were a gift

Flowers by Maude

Guitar by Dean

The news you don't want to hear, but can't wait for!

This time two years ago I was massive. I couldn't walk properly. I couldn't roll over in bed without help. Breathing was hard, eating was hard (but I managed lol) and my ankles were all a distant memory.

I went in for a scan with Dr W, the head of Maternal Fetal Medicine at The Townsville Hospital. He has been managing my pregnancy since 26 weeks along with the amazing Dr I, to whom I owe my babies lives. Routine weekly scan to follow up on my cervix (I suffer from cervical incompetence and my cervix had started to shorten at 26 weeks) and to check the chorioangioma on my placenta that was interfering with the blood flow between the twins.

In his calm, matter of fact voice he asked me if I had any plans in the next few days. 

Nothing much really. Just shopping, delivering a candy order and a friends birthday dinner.

Right, well take care of that, he says. Then come in tomorrow night. It's time to get these babies out. 

Um, excuse me? I mean, I knew they had to come out eventually! But now? And how? And what? My vagina? I need a drink! 

He calmly sent me on my way with the very last photos of my girls on the inside, and booked me in for induction. I was shaking. I was laughing (I'm the WORST inappropriate giggler ever, cue the giggle loop). I was shitting my maternity pants. 

But after 28 days bed rest in hospital, two more weeks rest at home, surviving twin to twin transfusion, a massive hormonal growth on my hand (his name was Harold and he was disgusting!) low fluid, cankles, raging hormones, pica induced cravings for ice and sand, wetting my pants when I sneezed and growing to roughly the size of a large, two story house, I knew my time was well worth it and in a couple of days I would finally meet my teeny tiny 34 week miracles. 

I just wasn't sure I was ready to actually give birth. 

But my vagina and I will tell that story on the 14th! 

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me, and I'm feeling...........

Unsure........

That is the best way to put it. I am so unsure about what 2016 is going to bring for me and my three.

I know there will be loads of adventures. There will be laughs and tears. There will be many hellos and goodbyes. Old friends and new friends. Success and failure.

But other than that, I got nothing.

I am hoping to finish my course.

I am hoping to do some singing.

I am hoping to stay well and healthy and happy.

I am hoping the children stay well and happy.

Going in to 2016 on my own with the kids I made a promise to myself. That this year will be about us. That I will concentrate on bringing up three well mannered, intelligent, well adjusted children. That we will make memories to last forever. That we will grow as a little family unit. That I will also make sure I spend time on myself. Allow myself to study, allow myself a night off here and there, be kind to myself.

I got this. I can do this. More importantly, I CAN SURVIVE!!!

Wine may play a big part in this........

I have spent the first 9 days of the new year thinking about a lot of things. Reflecting on what got me here. flicking back through the memory book of my childhood. Memories are constantly flooding back to me at the moment as I have moved back into my home. The home my Mum and Dad moved into when I was 6 weeks old. The home that was always there for me. The home where I created 29 years of memories with my darling Dad. The home in which I held his hand as he passed away. The memories are everywhere and whilst it is incredibly emotional, I am loving every single second of it. This house just exudes love when you walk in the front door, it is like a big warm hug and when people come in, they never want to leave. This is all I have ever wanted in a home, and I am so thrilled to be back in here.

I think my entrance hall says it all.........

So, I hope I can keep you all interested and entertained in 2016. I want to share it all with you. Like I said in my first blog, warts and all. And I can't promise I will keep it clean either, especially since I accidentally taught the twins to say 'shit'this week.

So now I will leave you with a quote from my favourite fictional writer, someone I love, from a show I adore, Someone who my mother hates and thinks is the ugliest woman in the world.........

Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be - Carrie Bradshaw.

Until next time

Kel xxx

15 minutes is all I ask!!!

I tried to have a bath tonight. Silly me. What Mum in their right mind thinks they can have 15 minutes to do something for themselves?!?!?

I finally got F down and settled in his cot. He has had a yucky couple of days with a sore tummy, so it was so nice to see him smile as he drifted off to sleep. 

I ran a hot bath with lots of bubbles. I slid in and started to relax. This was the first time I had actually stopped since 5am. Bliss. Next thing comes a blood curdling scream from the twins room. I quickly slide my head under the water. Alas, I can still hear it. 

I drag myself out of the nice, deep, warm, bubbly water and into my dressing gown. 

I walk into the twins room and survey the scene before me. 

S has taken off a pooey nappy and it's on the floor. B has stood in it, and is standing on her pillow on the bed, hopping about on the clean foot screaming POO and shoving her dirty foot in the air.

I let out to clean them up, carrying B, and S runs ahead, bursts into F's nursery and yells GOOD MORNING in his face.

Its 10.05. All three children are awake. There is poo. Everywhere. 

Is it any wonder I drink?

I clean up the twins and get them back into their beds, clean up the floor and give them some more milk. I go back in and settle F.

It's now 10.40. The twins are lying in their beds quietly chattering to each other. F is awake but settled in his cot.

My bath is stone cold. 

I give up. 

I'll try again in 2033 when they have all moved out. 

Goal 1! Or why my jeans are falling down.

I

The last few weeks I have been working hard. Trying to eat right but maintaining a balance to fit in a cheeky Sav Blanc here or there. Trying to do some work outs at home, because chasing after three kids isn't enough exercise! 

I wasn't sure if I would post this or not, but given I said I'd be posting about my weightloss and my lap band, I think it's worth sharing! 

This is the first time since I got pregnant with the twins that I've seen the numbers in single digits. And I'm stoked. 

My secret, you ask? No secret. Hard work and sensibility.

Low carb high fat eating. Seriously, check it out. It's a great way of eating, I have never felt deprived, and my skin, nails, and hair look awesome! I'm full all the time and I have heaps more energy

I've been trying to do what I can work out wise at home. I am forever grateful to Coach Bone from Courage Training Cente in Townsville for giving me many awesome work outs in the past that I really can do anywhere. I still hate burpees. But I do them because I know they work. And I love to push myself. 

And of course, I have my lap band. Which means very little at the moment. I don't have  great deal of restriction as I had a lot of the fluid removed when I was pregnant with F, but I do eat less and am concentrating on eating slowly and reading my signs that I'm full. 

I'm now doing the commando challenge with Commando Steve from TBL and I'm so looking forward to stepping it up a notch from tomorrow with his work outs! 

I still have a long way to go. But I promised myself a special little reward for hitting this goal, which I will share with you when it happens this week! 

I should probably also treat myself to a pedicure, my feet are awful! 😂

http://couragetrainingcentre.com/

Daddy, I miss you.........

Today is 4 years since my Dad passed away. 

He died from terminal cancer, Renal Cell Carcinoma that spread to his lungs, lymph nodes, liver and finally his brain. 

I cared for him at home and made sure he passed away comfortably in his own bed, holding my hand.

I miss him so much, it is so hard to put it into 
words. 

So, instead, I am going to share the letter I wrote to him when he died, that was read at his funeral.

You only ever get one Dad. Treat them well. And tell them you love them every single chance you get, because there is no way to describe the pain when you realize that you will never get that chance again. 

Dear Dad,

You were known by so many names: Robert, Bob, Sharpy, Bobbly, Bobby Hat Spinner, Telebob, Head-Job-Bob (in a mechanical sense of course) and Mr Wilson. But to me you were Daddy,

And what an amazing Dad you were! From the word go, regardless of whether I was going to be a boy or girl, it didn’t matter; I was going to be a “shed baby”.  During the week I was a real girly girl, wearing pink and white, going to ballet, all prim and proper. Then at lunchtime on Saturday that all changed! I would be romping around the Queen’s Head hotel or the shed, covered in dirt and grease, doing skiddies on my bike and loving every second of it!

You taught me so many different things. I was still learning from you the day you died. You taught me how to ride my first bike. You taught me how to fish, not that we ever caught many! You taught me how to make awesome mud pies, how to grow vegies, how to read a map, where the Southern Cross and Saucepan are. You taught me so much about our neighbourhood on our Saturday night walks up to Black Hill and back down to Bakery Hill for a thickshake. You taught me to drive and hugged me and told me I did an awesome job after my first car accident. You taught me how to change a tyre, check my spark plugs, and I loved being your helper when you were bleeding brakes.

You were always there to answer my questions. You are the smartest person I know, and if you didn’t have the answer, you would walk away and ponder until it came to you. In the last 3 years it became our little joke that you had written books about everything. I’d be cooking, and you would peer over my shoulder and say “chapter 3”! The truth is, you could have written a book, you had so much knowledge in your head, and I can nearly guarantee every person in this room would have bought them.

Your whole life you have been surrounded by amazing people, people who are more than friends. They are our family. People just flocked to you, loved you and wanted to be near you. You would do anything for anyone, and never expect anything in return. You were always the life of the party; quiet but with a wicked sense of humour! Friday nights in Bob’s shed were a tradition of 29 years. So many antics, so many stories and so many beers; if only the shed walls could talk! And the amount of people who turned up for your surprise 56^th birthday is a testament to that! Once again we found you speechless, when after a lovely day out with Geoff Spencer you walked in the back door to find 50 odd of your favourite people yelling surprise! You quietly said thank you and backed out the door again, and I thought it was all just too much for you. Turns out, you were just busting to go to the toilet!! But the next morning at 6am, when I was leaving to go back to Ireland for a month, you hugged me tight, and thanked me for one of the best days of your life, and told me I was a cheeky bugger and if I ever did it again, you would kick my butt!

I am going to miss so many things! Our morning chats on your bed when I would bring you your ‘breakfast’ – a hand full of pills, an up and go and a packet of Escort Blue. I will miss the way you knew better than Betty Crocker or White Wings, and had to add an extra egg or some other ingredient when baking a cake or pudding, and would still eat it, no matter what the final result was! I will miss you embarrassing me in the supermarket with your spontaneous dance moves in the cheese aisle. I will never ever forget the first time I ever beat you at pool. It was a late night at the Brown Hill Pub not long after my 18^th birthday, and as I potted the black ball you just stood there, stunned. A mixture of pride and pissed off on your face. And of course – I was a gracious winner – running around the pub getting high fives from everyone who were just as thrilled, and scoring a free drink from Ant to celebrate! I will miss you picking up the remote, or the phone, or my laptop, looking at me and saying “on, off, channel ten! I am going to miss your bad, bad jokes, your smile and your enthusiastic ‘Hello Button’ when I would call for our weekly 2 hour chats. But most of all, I will miss being able to talk to you. I miss your hugs and kisses on my forehead, and your wave back over your shoulder everytime I would drive out the driveway.

Saying goodbye to you was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I knew this day was coming, but I didn’t want to believe it. We spent a lot of time together since you got sick, and I treasure every second. Even just sitting in the lounge watching movies, or sitting in the back yard having a beer, or one of our many educational trips to Bunnings, every second was so precious.

When you took your last breath, your hand was in mine, your eyes staring into mine, my heart broke, and it will never be fixed. You were such an amazing Dad; you made me the person I am today, and I am so proud to call you my Dad. You fought so hard with every ounce of energy you could muster. You were such an inspiration, not only to me but to so many people.

I know you will be having a ball up in heaven, having a beer with Knocky, Nanny, Aunty Dianne, Aunty June, Ben, Kevin McSparron, Shorty and Grandad Warner.

I now have the coolest guardian angel in the world. I am sure a lucky girl. Please watch over me, let me know you are here every now and then, and remember, you were, and still are, the most important man in my life and I will spend every day of the rest of my life trying to make you proud.

Love you forever Dad,

Grub

A Guide to shopping with three kids under two, or ARE YOU CRAZY???

A guide to shopping with three under two:

• Arrive at shopping center and drive around and around until you can locate a park next to a trolley bay
• Get out of the car and search through the trolley bay looking for a twin toddler trolley
• walk to all other trolley bays in the vicinity whilst trying to keep an eye on the car
• Realize that the shopping center has a grand total of four twin toddler trolleys and none are to be seen
• Strap Tula baby carrier to your waist and grab infant insert from floor. Get baby out of car seat and strap him into the Tula, while singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star loud enough that the twins hear it and don't get cranky. This also means anyone in a 20 car radius can also hear your dulcet tones
• Find missing baby booty and try and get it back on the baby whilst singing Incy Wincy Spider and trying to stop the twins pulling each others hair out
• Lean into the car and unbuckle both twins. Realize one shoe is missing. Try and bend down in the car whilst still wearing the baby and both toddler twins are on the loose and fit the missing shoe back on
• Get the twins out of the car, grab their hands as tight as possible, try not to let go whilst fishing in your hand bag for keys with your mouth, maneuver them out and lock the car, then drop them back in the bag again
• Trek into the shops and pray constantly that there is a twin trolley awaiting your arrival
• Pass three other shoppers with twin toddler trolleys. One with one child in the seat, one with a child and a hand bag in the seat and one with loaves of bread in the seat. Give them death stares
• FIND TWIN TROLLEY! Rejoice! Trap one twin between the wall and the trolley while you wrestle the other one into the seat
• Stop to pick up dropped sippy cup
• Twin 1 slides legs into the wrong holes
• Twin 1 turns into a solid plank of wood that will not bend no matter what you do, making it impossible to get her into the seat properly
• Twin 2 escapes and bolts for the Deli of the supermarket
• Chase Twin 2 and grab her by the arm just as you catch sight of twin one grabbing an apple off the display and taking a huge bite
• Chuck Twin 2 into the trolley seat and strap in as tight as possible
• Grab Twin 1, stuff her into the seat next to her sister, struggle to strap her in while she tries to feed the baby strapped to your chest the apple
• Pick up two apples and head through the check out and pay for them, give them one back and give the second apple to Twin 2
• Twin 1 throws her apple into a passing trolley
• Stop to pick up dropped sippy cup
• Twin 2 throws her apple at an old man
• Contemplate going to the bottle shop on the way to Kmart
• Head off and discover that the trolley you have has a bung wheel. Laugh, because if you don't you will have a level 5 meltdown
• Keep going anyway. Tell yourself driving a dodgy trolley is a good arm workout and ignore the stares as you head to Kmart on an angle
• Get stopped 2 times between the supermarket and Coles (50 meters) to be told "You have your hands full!" by complete strangers. Nod and smile. Try not to swear at them
• Continue walking now refusing to make eye contact with anyone. This is not helped by the twins waving to everyone and yelling HELLO!
• Enter Kmart and begin shopping. Relax a little, Kmart is your happy place and there is not a lot that reasonably priced homewares can't fix!
• Start grabbing the things you need
• Start removing the things Twin 2 thinks she need from the trolley
• Stop to pick up dropped sippy cup
• Give up removing Twin 2's additions and just pretend you don't see it happening
• Put Adult Sized Sesame Street Shirt into the trolley as Twin 2 screams and screams until you do. 
• Twin 1 spots Emma from the Wiggles and begins singing and dancing in the trolley at the top of her lungs
• Get stopped by elderly lady and brace yourself for the inevitable
• Be completely taken aback when elderly lady hugs you, tells you that you must have done something right to be so blessed with such beautiful children and that you are a Supermum
• Unsuccessfully hide tears
• Stop to pick up dropped sippy cup
• Finish shopping, whilst taking breaks every three minutes to shake arms out
• Stop near the check outs and remove the following items from the trolley: 4 Dora shirts, 3 pairs of leggings, 2 packets of face wipes, 3 storage baskets, a pair of thongs, a cap, 4 baby suits and a crocodile
• Head to the self serve check out and begin scanning items
• Have to get every single item checked by staff because "item is not in bagging area"
• Referee fisticuffs between the twins over a hair tie
• Put booty back on baby foot
• Wake baby up accidentally
• Try and smile through the screams of freshly woken up hungry baby
• Stop to pick up dropped sippy cup
• Race out of Kmart as fast as you can with trolley still on an angle, three crying babies and a wedgie you can't do anything about
• Go to the bakery and buy sasuage rolls
• Stop near a seat and sit down
• Shove Sausage Rolls in the twins mouths for a few minutes peace and quiet
• Make a bottle of formula, unstrap baby and try and calm him down to feed
• Finally get baby sorted and relax
• For a second
• Pick up dropped sippy cup
• Twins finish Sausage Rolls and start screaming MORE!!!!
• Large Man in white track suit walks past and gets heckled by the twins "OLAF!!!"
• Find Tiny Teddies in Nappy Bag, attempt to open with one hand and mouth while still feeding baby
• Give twins Teddies and start to relax again
• Have 2 more people come up and tell you how full your hands are
• Smile semi politely and remind yourself that "Prison Orange is not your colour"
• Catch the eye of another hassled looking twin Mum and share "the look" that says "Hey Mumma, I see you, I get you, keep on keeping on!"
• Burp baby and get the biggest smile possible for his little face. Remember how much you love being a Mum. Hold him up for his sisters to kiss at their insistence
• Shove everything back into the nappy bag, strap baby back onto your chest, get comfy, realize you need to pee desperately
• Head to Baby Room
• Stick trolley under the TV and tell the twins to sit tight. Pray to god no one comes into the parents room as you pee with the door open so you can see them and they can see you 
• Thank god that no one does come in as the whole time you are peeing the twins are chanting BUM BUM BUM at the top of their lungs
• Remove wedgie finally
• Wash hands, wipe twins faces, put baby booty back on babies foot. Realise you have lost the other one
• Give up on any plans of looking in other shops and head back towards to car, on an angle
• Stop to pick up dropped sippy cup
• Get back to car to discover some moron has parked on an idiotic angle and you have approximately 20 cms of space to open your door and get the twins in the car 
• Unstrap Baby and put him in his car seat
• Sigh when you realise you now have no baby booties
• Go back to trolley and pick up one twin. Put her in the car and go back for second twin
• Get second twin in the car and find first twin sitting behind the steering wheel
• Try and strap Twin 2 into seat
• Twin 2 refuses
• Twin 2 bites you
• Give Twin 2 more Tiny Teddies
• Get Twin 2 strapped in
• Go to drivers door to get Twin 1
• Twin 1 scoots over to passenger seat
• Go to passenger door
• Twin 1 scoots over to drivers seat
• Stop and breathe. Contemplating walking away, changing name and becoming a tarot card reader in Nimbin
• Bribe Twin 1 with Tiny Teddies and get her into the car seat
• Strap Twin 1 in
• Go back to the baby and remove Tiny Teddies that have been carefully balanced on his forehead
• Get into car and realize you forgot the main thing you went to Kmart for
• Sigh
• Head for home
• Stop at the Bottle Shop for an enormous bottle of Sav Blanc
• Arrive home  4 hours after you left.
• Later that night, while the kids are in bed and you are enjoying said wine, smile to yourself. Because your life is completely crazy. And you wouldn't have it any other way

The worst bullies you will ever encounter in your life are your own thoughts

Today was a pretty uneventful day. 

Except for the anxiety that creeps in when you least expect it. 

Phone calls being yelled at about an issue that has nothing to do with you don't help and are not a nice way to start the day. Follow that up with being yelled at by two NBN workers for pulling up their cable (which was pulled up by other NBN workers and has nothing to do with me) and I'm not starting the day on the right foot. 

But I'm learning the tools to overcome this. 

Some of the things that are helping me at the moment are:

Writing in my journal every morning

(Thanks Mum for the brilliant gift!)

Doing small things that help me feel in control, like making my bed every morning has now become a habit and makes me feel like I can actually do this adulting thing! 

Stopping and breathing when the anxiety takes hold. Reasoning with myself when my thoughts stray to self bullying. Reminding myself over and over that I am a wonderful human being and deserve a wonderful life. 

I conquered my anxiety several times today. And I'm bloody proud of myself. 

I refuse to bully myself anymore and will not tolerate negative self talk any longer.

Parenting today was interesting. We started off the day with a fist fight over a boiled egg and the day continued much like that. S was the ringleader of the trouble today, not letting B sleep, poking baby F while he napped in his bouncer, stealing her sisters snacks, drinking my juice, jumping on the bed, trying to ride the dog, experimenting with my high heels and generally being a rat bag. 

But then at bedtime she throws herself at me, wraps her pudgy arms around my neck, plants three sloppy kisses on my face and yells ecstatically I UV OOO! And all is forgiven. Cheeky bugger. 

Although the other clear highlight of the day was when I was having my shower and B comes tearing in on her Dora Car, bangs on the glass, points and screams BOOBIES before doing a u-turn, honking the horn and exiting with a wave over her shoulder reminiscent of her name sake, my late father. Makes a nice change from the toilet brush karaoke of the three days prior.........

Welcome to my brain!

HI there! 

My name is Kel. 

Also known as Weez, Weezy, Legs Diamond, Kelly Smelly and Big Red. Any of the above is fine by me!

I am 33 years old, I am mother to three incredible children, S and B my identical twin girls who are nearly 21 months old, and F who is nearly 15 weeks. 

I live in regional Victoria with my kids and my two Tibetian Spaniels. 

I am an Independent Scentsy Consultant

I am studying a Diploma of Counselling

I suffer from Post Natal Depression and Anxiety

I have an Incompetent Cervix.

I have a Gastric Band and am trying to lose my baby weight

I suffer from Severe PCOS. 

I have dabbled in Blogging in the past, and I am currently on a huge journey of wellness, both inside and out.  I am trying to heal, to become well, to learn to love myself again. And I find writing really helps. 

I know I am not alone in many of the above things that can make life a daily struggle. 

I decided to start writing again so I can share the highs and the lows of my life with anyone who would care to listen. Or read. You know what I mean!

I am going to share my life, warts and all. There will be hilarious stories of the chaos my children create on a daily basis. There will be moments of sadness and anxiousness where I struggle. There will be moments of triumph as I reach goals I am setting myself. I will document the life of a mother of multiples, which comes with its own trials and tribulations and a whole new set of rules. And there will be product reviews. Mum hacks. Pictures. And memes. And fun stuff.

Thanks for coming along for the ride! :)