War! What is it good for? Absof#*kinglutely NOTHING!

The Mummy wars are real. And they are bullshit. It HAS to stop. No one way of parenting is better than the other.

Sure, we all know the medical benefits of breast milk. We also know that the pressure to breastfeed can break a woman in two. We have all given birth in different ways and we would all have things we would do the same and things would do differently. We all have opinions, we all have a preferred way of doing things, a brand of formula we prefer, family traditions we follow, and we all have things that we don’t share for fear of being publicly ridiculed. Why? Because people are basically self-entitled assholes who seem to think they have the god given right to tell you how to raise your child.

I would like to try a little experiment tonight, if I may.

This is me with two of my best Mummy friends, J and B. We have a little Facebook group chat that never, and I mean NEVER stops. We have been there for each other through so much in the last 2+ years. We all have kids. We all do and have done things differently. And we love each other for it.

These are our children! Quite a good looking bunch if I do say so myself.

Here is a list of stats for our little families. You look at the pictures and the stats and then you tell me which stat belongs to which Mummy/kid combo.

We are three mummies. Between us we have 8 kids. That’s enough for some kind of sports team!

All of our children were conceived spontaneously. Two of us were about to seek fertility treatment when we fell pregnant.

One of these children was born by emergency C-section.

Three were born by planned C-section.

Two were delivered by forceps.

Two were delivered without assistance.

Five of these children were classified as premature.

One of these children was 11 days overdue.

Three of these children spent time in Special Care.

One of us had Gestational Diabetes.

One of us had Cervical Incompetence.

One of us had Obstetric Cholestasis.

One of these babies was exclusively breastfed for 14 months.

One is currently being exclusively breastfed (4 months and counting)

All of these babies had some amount of breastmilk

One of these babies was mix fed for 18 weeks before going to all formula.

Three of these babies was mix fed for three weeks before going to all formula.

Two of these babies were breastfed for ten days before switching to all formula.

Three of these kids were Baby Led weaned.

Four of these kids had purees first.

All of these children are fully vaccinated.

One of these mothers is single.

One of these mothers works full time for a very busy government department. One is a writer. One is a student.

We all play Pokemon Go. We are not ashamed. #gottacatchemall

All of our children are healthy. All of our children are happy. All of our children got exactly what they needed on the inside and on the outside. Love. Nourishment. Attention. Medical assistance. How, it doesn’t make a blind bit of difference.

So STOP shaming other mothers for doing things differently to how you would. If you are asked for advice, GO NUTS! Tell them what you did and why it worked for you. DO not tell them what they have to do. Do not give advice when it is not asked for. Do not shame another Mother for making choices different to your own.

Be proud of your parenting achievements, but be humble. Congratulate all the other Mums around you for the stellar job they are doing. Because every single day of this job is hard. It is demanding. It is relentless. It is emotional.

And it is also the single most rewarding thing anyone can ever do.

Ten things not to say to a Mum of twins

This came up in conversation again today with a fellow twin Mum, so I decided to go back and find this list I wrote last year! I still stand by every single item on this list! 

Oh, and before you go "oh, but people are just being nice" NO!! Do you know, I once counted how many times I got told double trouble on a two hour trip around stockland? The total was 15. You tell me you wouldn't get sick of it!!!

10 While pregnant - "wow, you're massive! Are you sure there isn't three in there?". Thanks! My self esteem is sky rocketing!

9 "Are they identical? Yes. Cool! So it's a boy and a girl then?"........... I got nothing. Also, glad the pink tutus aren't a give away.

8 "Are they Twins?" Um........

7 "Two girls? Shame you didn't have one of each!" Sorry! I'd swap one for a boy but I lost the receipt.

6 "You must have your hands full!" Well, duh!

5 "You have an instant family now, you don't need to have any more!" Thank you stranger in the supermarket for decided we have enough children. 

4 "Are they natural?" No, they are aliens. Also, it's not any of your business how my children were conceived, random person in the car park.

3 "Twins? Hell no, I couldn't cope" and this is probably why I have them and you don't. (I also copped "twins? F%@K THAT! And would have punched them had they not been family).

2 "two for the price of one!". Nope, definitely two for the price of two. 

1 "double trouble" - no actually, I'm twice blessed, and luckier than you will EVER be.

A bedtime mugging

People (without children and most definitely without twins) often comment jokingly about how I dress the twins in matching clothing, usually because at some point I may have said I didn't want to do it all the time. Yeah, how nieve of me. 

The thing is, at two and a half these little girls are crazy intelligent, incredibly headstrong and stubborn, fiercely independent and a little crazy. Not at all like me. 😉

Why do I dress them alike most of the time? Here is tonight's example. 

All of their flannelet pyjamas are in the dryer so I grabbed warm shirts and leggings out of the drawer. Unfortunately we have a pair of stripy leggings and a pair of star patterned leggings. Which S wore the stars and B wore the stripes without a second glance last night. But tonight, oh no! Because who the hell would wear star print leggings to bed? Stripes are where it's at!! Stars are the plague!! Which of course was discovered after I had put the stripes on S. And then all hell broke loose.

After pulling some impressive wresting maneuvers ( I knew watching Steve Irwin all those years ago would pay off) I managed to shove B into the red star leggings of death and got them into bed. Four stories, two cups of water, 7 teddy bears, a chocolate biscuit bribe and a million sloppy kisses later, I think we are in business and it's time for sleep. 

I had to go in about an hour later (after complete silence that lulled me into a false sense of security, long enough to pour a glass of wine and get comfy on the couch to bag everyone out on The Voice) because of the high pitched murder screams coming from underneath the door. 

I walked in to find S sans pants (and nappy, but that's a whole other story) and a very please with herself B sitting on the bed wearing the stripy pants, backwards and inside out. And displaying the red star leggings proudly on her head like a sick warning to other patterned leggings to not enter the area at any cost. 

My 2.5 year old had mugged her twin sister for her pants. 

And THIS is why I dress them the same when I can. Not because it's cute (which it TOTALLY is), not because I'm lazy. Not even because they like it. But because if I don't, someone is gonna lose a limb. 

And next time someone makes a comment about it, they might too. 

Now I've missed the voice, so more wine and Jaws 2 is in order. Maybe I'll learn how to treat large bites in readiness for the next installment of wardrobe wars. 

#gonnaneedabiggerwardrobe

Abusive relationships 101: he doesn't have to hit you......

Today I cried. A lot. I was so overwhelmed. 

Today was a day where I did some healing. 

Today I realised just how much I have actually achieved since I became the single multiple mummy brain. 

And today, I realised how much is ahead for me and my three. So much love, so many opportunities, so many chances, so much sunshine. 

It started a week ago with an off the cuff remark from my Mum. Firstly she told me how much she wants me to go out and date. I did a triple take, you what?!? (Anyone who knows my Mum will know what I mean!) Her reply was so simple and matter of fact to her - "you need to remember what it's like to be with a man who knows how to treat a woman right. You deserve that.". I don't think she realised just how profound that was and the impact it would have on me. 

So many people think an abusive relationship simply means physical violence. 

Never has anything been more wrong than that statement. 

An abusive relationship can come in many forms. 

If anything your partner does makes you feel unsafe, nervous, uncomfortable, scared or fear for you or your children's safety, you may be in an abusive relationship. 

I am not going to sit here and tell you to leave. For I know, oh so well, how hard that is. Especially once you are stuck in the cycle of abuse. 

If you, or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, please know that there are so many people who are ready to help you. When you are ready, just speak out. Call a friend. Call lifeline. Call the police. Call me. Please. 

The effects of an abusive relationship last for so long after you leave. Some scars will never heal. But each day gets easier. Each moment that passes makes you stronger. And I promise you, it will work out. 

Here is a great link where you can read more about abusive relationships: 

http://au.reachout.com/signs-of-an-abusive-relationship

Remember, to ask for help is not a sign of weakness, in fact is shows more strength and wisdom than you could ever know you possess!

Things I never thought I would say

The twins got kittens for their birthday a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, I'm mad. But I had three kids and two dogs, I figured how much difference could two tiny kitties make, right? WRONG!

A small snippet of my day today:

The cats are still in bed

No, the cat does not want to eat your weetbix

Don't put milk in the cats ear

Don't put the thermometer in the cats ear

Don't chase the cat

Put the cat down

The cat will not fit in that drinking cup

Get the cat out of that drinking cup

Don't put the cat in the bath

Don't dry the cat with your towel

Don't put that nappy on the cat

The cat does not need to wear socks

Don't put tomato sauce on the cat

Don't lick tomato sauce off the cat

Don't wipe tomato sauce off the cat with the other cat 

Put the cat down 

The cat won't go up the chimney 

Let the cat out of the play oven 

Don't feed the cat crackers 

No, the cat does not want to go to the potty. 

I'm not sure who will go mad first, me or the cats. Although, they strangely seem to enjoy all the attention! 

My life is weird. Fact.

When I walk into the lounge room and tell Mum that she will NOT believe the weirdness that just happened in my front yard, given she knows me and my weird life and is used to my crazy stories, you just know it is going to be a good one!

This evening my good friend S came over with his kids to give me a hand. I got a new couch delivered (that is a whole other story for another day, but just let me ask this, how in the heck do you lose a couch???) and he popped over to give me a hand to shift my heavy old couch and put the legs on my new baby.

Jobs all done, and S and his gorgeous offspring head off and I walk them outside. We are standing out the front chatting and I notice two things happening.

One - his son is carrying around one of my garden gnomes.

Two - there is a very eccentric old lady with a trolley standing out the front of my house. For the sake of a good story, let's call her Maude.

As I am sure any of you with kids can work out, we all know what is gonna happen. Sure enough, Gnome goes crashing to the concrete. (No biggie. He was $4 at Kmart. And it gives me a good excuse to go back.) All of a sudden my old friend Maude starts killing herself laughing. Righto.

The little guy brings me up the broken pieces of Gnome and tells me that he is very sorry that it is really really broken. Sweet little man. All of a sudden Maude is upon us! She has waddled up the path and snatched poor old gnomies broken body from my hands and replaced him with a (very pretty and from a very classy florist) bunch of flowers in my hands,  Before I could blink or say anything she has told me to get some wire and make a fence, and that I should get a bull terrier. She wanders off down the path yelling over her shoulder that she will dispose of the corpse and off she goes down the street, Leaving S and I standing there. Mouths open. Not really sure what had happened.

Maude is the kind of character you expect to be a fixture in the neighborhood. But I have been in this house since I was 6 weeks old. And I have never seen her before. But I will be keeping an eye out for her. I get the feeling she could make my life that little bit more interesting!

And for those interested, here is my new look lounge room! I am loving making my beautiful house a cosy home for me and the three,

Couch - Ruby from Fantastic Furniture

Rug, Side Tables, Pink and Marble Cushions, Lamp, Vase, 

kids couches and wall hanging all from Kmart

Sequinned Throws - Spotlight (30% off yall!)

Flamingo Cushions were a gift

Flowers by Maude

Guitar by Dean

The news you don't want to hear, but can't wait for!

This time two years ago I was massive. I couldn't walk properly. I couldn't roll over in bed without help. Breathing was hard, eating was hard (but I managed lol) and my ankles were all a distant memory.

I went in for a scan with Dr W, the head of Maternal Fetal Medicine at The Townsville Hospital. He has been managing my pregnancy since 26 weeks along with the amazing Dr I, to whom I owe my babies lives. Routine weekly scan to follow up on my cervix (I suffer from cervical incompetence and my cervix had started to shorten at 26 weeks) and to check the chorioangioma on my placenta that was interfering with the blood flow between the twins.

In his calm, matter of fact voice he asked me if I had any plans in the next few days. 

Nothing much really. Just shopping, delivering a candy order and a friends birthday dinner.

Right, well take care of that, he says. Then come in tomorrow night. It's time to get these babies out. 

Um, excuse me? I mean, I knew they had to come out eventually! But now? And how? And what? My vagina? I need a drink! 

He calmly sent me on my way with the very last photos of my girls on the inside, and booked me in for induction. I was shaking. I was laughing (I'm the WORST inappropriate giggler ever, cue the giggle loop). I was shitting my maternity pants. 

But after 28 days bed rest in hospital, two more weeks rest at home, surviving twin to twin transfusion, a massive hormonal growth on my hand (his name was Harold and he was disgusting!) low fluid, cankles, raging hormones, pica induced cravings for ice and sand, wetting my pants when I sneezed and growing to roughly the size of a large, two story house, I knew my time was well worth it and in a couple of days I would finally meet my teeny tiny 34 week miracles. 

I just wasn't sure I was ready to actually give birth. 

But my vagina and I will tell that story on the 14th! 

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me, and I'm feeling...........

Unsure........

That is the best way to put it. I am so unsure about what 2016 is going to bring for me and my three.

I know there will be loads of adventures. There will be laughs and tears. There will be many hellos and goodbyes. Old friends and new friends. Success and failure.

But other than that, I got nothing.

I am hoping to finish my course.

I am hoping to do some singing.

I am hoping to stay well and healthy and happy.

I am hoping the children stay well and happy.

Going in to 2016 on my own with the kids I made a promise to myself. That this year will be about us. That I will concentrate on bringing up three well mannered, intelligent, well adjusted children. That we will make memories to last forever. That we will grow as a little family unit. That I will also make sure I spend time on myself. Allow myself to study, allow myself a night off here and there, be kind to myself.

I got this. I can do this. More importantly, I CAN SURVIVE!!!

Wine may play a big part in this........

I have spent the first 9 days of the new year thinking about a lot of things. Reflecting on what got me here. flicking back through the memory book of my childhood. Memories are constantly flooding back to me at the moment as I have moved back into my home. The home my Mum and Dad moved into when I was 6 weeks old. The home that was always there for me. The home where I created 29 years of memories with my darling Dad. The home in which I held his hand as he passed away. The memories are everywhere and whilst it is incredibly emotional, I am loving every single second of it. This house just exudes love when you walk in the front door, it is like a big warm hug and when people come in, they never want to leave. This is all I have ever wanted in a home, and I am so thrilled to be back in here.

I think my entrance hall says it all.........

So, I hope I can keep you all interested and entertained in 2016. I want to share it all with you. Like I said in my first blog, warts and all. And I can't promise I will keep it clean either, especially since I accidentally taught the twins to say 'shit'this week.

So now I will leave you with a quote from my favourite fictional writer, someone I love, from a show I adore, Someone who my mother hates and thinks is the ugliest woman in the world.........

Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be - Carrie Bradshaw.

Until next time

Kel xxx